felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
