Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
