When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
