I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize