so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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