Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
