ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
