Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
