Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
