I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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