You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
