i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
