there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
