Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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