That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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