i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
