So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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