He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
