drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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