That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
