apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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