It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
