But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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