what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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