is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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