I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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