i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
