i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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