That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
