After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
