I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
