Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
