"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
