According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
