So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
now i know why i became what i already was.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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