nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
