summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
