I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
