So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
