I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
