That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
