they need to just BURY HIM!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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