the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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