Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
