i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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