Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
