I wish I could teleport
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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