I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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