You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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