Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
