i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
