So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
