Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
