so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
