i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
