Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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