She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
