u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
